It’s not what I thought it’d be.

It’s not what I thought it’d be.

I always saw golden princesses, bathed in light. They wait for him, their golden half, to come.

 

It’s not at all what I thought it’d be

 

I remember my boyfriend telling me he loved me after I agreed to be his girlfriend. I remember my mother saying the same every day of my life, at bedtime, after phone calls, after I graduated high school. I remember a lot of people saying it to me.

I remember it because I could not understand it.

 

They say it’s easy, or it’s hard.

No one says it can be both. No one says it can be the sunlight of a summer day, silently peeking through your window in the early morning, and it can also be a tornado storm with lightning, blazing down trees and family farms.

They say that family love is there, friend love is learned, and your true love will come. You’ll see them on first sight, the greatest gift to you.

The golden half.

 

No one ever said that that golden half, that great gift, the best thing that could have ever happened to you, could be a friend. A companion of life, not a lover.

 

I saw him. First sight. I knew we’d be good friends someday.

How did I not know he’d still be here, 3 years later?

 

I am not a princess in white. I am a warrior, with scars all over and armor worn out from many battles, strong as ever.

I did not need saving. But he did it anyway, without even knowing it.

 

I love this man.

And he loves me.

 

My other half.

 

We don’t need sex.

We need silly moment that follow horrible moments. We need kisses on our foreheads when we are stressed. We need ridiculous nights where we are irresponsible and don’t give a damn about what other people think. We need each other, not societal constructs from under the moon.

 

It’s not at all what I thought it’d be.

It’s perfectly imperfect.

 

It’s not what I thought it’d be.

But it’s exactly what I needed.

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Published by

Brenna Renée Prather

Costume Designer. Writer. Artist.

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